When
Today Basil invited us to his photo gallery at SJSU. Irony, I was invited to the same art show exactly a year ago by the topic of this post. Thanks for tonight.
Here it goes… We entered a room and walked around viewing different art pieces. The right side of the room had books displayed on a shelf which required gloves to view. I was not putting on gloves. BUT the smallest book at the end of the display caught my attention. The front cover had a photo of a foggy hill taken from overhead. I LOVE FOG. It was titled “Big Sur,” ahhhh word play <3 Looked at the artist name, BAMMMMM Adrian Lopez. Grabbed Lynn, and she proceeded to open it. His pictures where amazing as expected…I DON’T THINK ANYONE UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH I LOVE FOG. As we turned around to leave I was lightly pushed into a wall by none other than Adrian Lopez.
I’ve played this scene a couple times in my head BUT FUUUUUUUUUH.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY TO SOMEONE WHEN THINGS ENDED BADLY? WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY? Y U NO JUST LET ME WALK OUT THAT ROOM AND PRETEND YOU NEVER SAW ME? It’s courteous.
So we hugged. I held on so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes. IT’S A TRICK, TRY IT. LOL how are yous… imy and take care. Didn’t even say bye. Y I NO SAY BYE??
This is long overdue but I guess I’ll write it since it’s 3AM. What else do I have better to do right? I kinda hope you see this.
Dear Adrian,
Thank you for being an addition to the worst year of my life. Thanks for the reminder that falling for someone isn’t the worst thing in the world. I’ve always envisioned that when I found the right person all the doubts I’ve ever had about relationships would vanish… but with you it wasn’t the case. Maybe it’s because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. “I’m in love with someone I don’t even talk to anymore.” It’s like I knew it wasn’t right but it was fun to act the part. All relationships make me sick anyways. I feel like I destroyed a good thing at Spookfest purposely… MISERY NEEDS COMPANY and I wasn’t happy with us. It had to end one way or another so I made it happen. Yes, I regretted it… but I did it for the sake of pushing your buttons. It’s a hobby. Sorry. I was happy… but it wasn’t enough. WE were exactly what I wanted. No strings attached. but…
Have you ever been around children? That look they have on their face when they do something bad… that’s what you looked like that morning. That’s the reason I left. Do you have something you wanna tell me? Don’t shake your head with guilt in your eyes, it breaks my heart… After a year like 2010 I wasn’t going to stick around for bullshit. I was tired. Here are the facts: my heart dropped when fb said you were in a relationship lol. It’s one thing knowing you don’t want something, it’s another knowing you can’t have it (HIMYM). But after a while I came to the conclusion that I’m happy for you. It would be selfish of me to hold gauges against your happiness. You have something that everyone dreams of; someone else. I’m happy if you’re happy. It was fun while it lasted. So I didn’t get my fairytale this time, eh. I’m not mad or upset…
well pH6, but good enough.
<3HB
And I wonder; when I sing along with you, if anything could ever feel this real forever. If anything could ever be this good again. The only thing I’ll ever ask of you… gotta promise not to stop when I say...
